Can't Forget, We Only Get What We Give!

Does anyone remember this bat-shit-crazy-bald-headed-nut-job from the 90's? If you don't, her name is Suzanne Powter, and for a hot minute, she was all the rage in the world of fitness infomercials. I can only assume that her marketing strategy was to annoy people into buying her products. At all hours of the night, this woman would explode onto my television set screaming things like, "Stop the insanity!", and "My thighs aren't touching anymore!!" She was a huge proponent of the idea that eating fat makes people fat (I refuse to touch this one).

Needless to say, like many fitness gimmicks before and after, I fell victim to Suzie and her shenanigans.  I was chubby.  I had some birthday money to blow. I bought the book.  I was 12 (I continue to be a wet dream for marketing teams everywhere).  I'm almost positive that I read said book while eating a Snickers and performing leg lifts, before tenderly placing it in the donation pile. 

I was always looking for a quick fix, some sort of miracle diet solution that would magically transform me into whatever spokesmodel was marketing "X" product (See also: The Grapefruit Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Ab Roller, The Zone, The Master Cleanse, The Thigh Master, The South Beach Diet, The Stacker 2 Diet (a.k.a. butt bulemia), The Cindy Crawford Workout, Sweatin' to the Oldies, Tae Bo, Walk Away the Pounds, Yoga Booty Ballet, Hip Hop Abs, Strip Tease Aerobics, etc).  I have given so much of my damn money to the fitness industry, and on not one occassion have I looked in the mirror and resembled Carmen Electra or Cindy Crawford.  There also hasn't been a single freakin' day since birth (and I'm putting it out there) where my thighs HAVEN'T touched. I'm serious folks, I was a lard covered baby - I was predestined for a certain amount of fluffiness.

Any initial motivation I was able to conjure for these plans inevitably dissipated on Day 2 when the scale did not greet me with dramatic results.   It was almost as if I expected pounds and inches to immediately melt away just because I was reading books about weight loss. It was exactly as if I expected to go to sleep looking like Fatty McFatterson and then to wake up looking like Giselle, simply because I had managed to watch a workout video.  Generally, I failed to succeed with any of these diets or devices because I was too bored, too fixated on an unobtainable end result, and too unwilling to put in any real amount of effort.

The truth is, while some of those products and diet plans were absolutely bananas, it's not that Leslie Sansone and her merry group of geriatrics failed to provide me with the proper tools to walk away my pounds, or that Richard Simmons didn't shake, rattle, and roll enough for me to burn a few calories.  The Ab Roller also didn't let me down; I'm sure that I would have had a lovely six-pack if I had used it as it was truly intended to be used as opposed to a mechanism for drying my bras.

As I get older, and a tad bit wiser, it becomes more evident everyday that the only way to get paid big is to work hard, or to get lucky - and I'm not that lucky...

...so I'm finally working hard.  Can you imagine that after three months of busting my ass at CrossFit, ignoring the scale monster, eating normal food when I'm hungry*, and having an all-around good time, I would be starting to see some sweet results?  Wild, isn't it?  Funnily enough, one of the things I'm loving most about CrossFit right now, is the weight lifting aspect, which was one of the things I was initially most turned off by.  Now, I know that there is this huge misconception out there that women will naturally "bulk up" if they lift weights.  I too, believed this theory in the past, and used it as an excuse to avoid anything that wasn't cardio at all costs. If you are a current subscriber to this concept, I'm here to tell you that I'm pretty sure you can throw that weird-beard idea right out the window.

Fact #1: because of my PCOS, I have more testosterone than a typical woman (I know - totally sexy)
Fact #2: I'm lifting weights five times a week.
Fact #3: I'm getting smaller (at least that's what people keep telling me)

I'm not telling everyone to go out there and start slinging weights around (especially not unsupervised), but if you haven't done it (and I'm lookin' at you ladies), maybe give it a try! You might find that it feels good to blow off the weight of the world with some literal weight on your shoulders.  If it's not your thing, that's cool!  What's your thing?  Does it get you moving?  Does it get you sweaty?  Do you love to do it?  Good!  Whatever that thing is - keep doing it.  Just don't continue to be a knucklehead like I was, and pretend that you are going to mysteriously get fit by half-assing it.

What it comes down to for me, is that I finally found a gimmick-free program that makes it easy for me to work hard - and it feels good - real good.


Fact #4: When I look in the mirror now, I don't expect to see anyone else. I see me getting strong, and I love it... and also...sometimes..I flex - so there.  HOT SHIT!


*I'm actually eating like a beast and could use some nutritional advice if anyone is willing to dole it out to ensure that I don't go apeshit.


Upcoming Events:


I'm participating in my first CrossFit fundraising event this weekend.  It's called 31 Heroes, it's a grueling 31 minute workout, and all proceeds will benefit the families of the brave Navy Seals who lost their lives on August 6th.  If you would like to contribute or read more about this cause, please do:  http://31heroes.com/donations/


My second event is taking place on 9/11.  It's an equally grueling workout that will directly benefit wounded soldiers, veterans, and their families.  If you can find it in your heart or wallet, even a dollar would help!  Again, to read more or contribute: https://fgb6.rapidgiving.com/frp/fundraise.aspx?pk=W7F5T1Z

Thanks for being awesome, everyone.  If you keep reading, I'll keep writing. XO

I don't know where I'm goin' - but I sure know where I've been...

Whitesnake fans?  Anyone? Anyone?

Opening:
So this is the awkward, typically over-verbose, and obligatory first post where I attempt to catch you up on the past 31 years so that you can get a sense of who I am, and why I thought it was necessary to chronicle the boring ins-and-outs of my daily struggles and accomplishments publicly (this is all under the assumption that I will have "a" reader).  Well lucky for you (yes, I will continue to address my imaginary reader) I'm gonna try to keep it short and sweet - like a cupcake.

The Past 31 Years in a Paragraph:
I've spent most of my life in northern New Jersey.  I'm the youngest of three.  My parents are nuts (in the funniest way possible). I have amazing friends, some of which I've known since Kindergarten. I was voted class flirt in grammar school and class clown in high school - this probably doesn't surprise you if you know me. I was always smart, but incredibly lazy.  I never wanted to do anything that I wasn't amazing at, so I stuck to reading, making people laugh, and on occasion, dancing. I had some rough times, as people often do.  I dabbled in this and that. I got fat and then - not so fat (the wrong way). I graduated high school and started college. I majored in sleeping.  I got super fat. I dropped out of college. I got a really cool job (Pleasurable Piercings). I got skinny (the wrong way). I left my really cool job for corporate america. I turned 21. I was diagnosed with PCOS. I dated a major asshole. I started college again. I got fat again. I dumped the loser. I started dating my now husband (<3sigh<3). We bought a house in Central Jersey, got a beautiful pup, and got married.  Central Jersey did not agree with me. I got depressed.  I became addicted to fast food and Law and Order: SVU*. I graduated college. I got tremendously fat. We sold our house and moved back to North Jersey. I used every ounce of "willpower" I could muster to get off of the couch and start eating better. I lost 60 pounds. We moved again.I got a new job. I joined CrossFit. <end diatribe/get awesome>

What is This Blog Even About, Jill?
It's been one-and-a-half years since I made the decision to get healthy, lose weight (for good), and kick the shit out of my PCOS. It's been two months since I joined CrossFit.  I had thought about starting this blog to coincide with my first CrossFit class, but being a relatively sedentary individual for most of my life, I needed to get past my fears, nervousness, weakness, embarrassment, etc., and really focus on determining whether or not I could truly commit.

I got through the first leg virtually unharmed (despite a few low blows to my ego).  I recently upped my membership to a 5 times a week schedule. I am having to push myself physically and mentally farther everytime I walk into class.  I'm having to resign myself to the fact that I'm not strong or fast, but understanding that, for the first time, it's not a reason to quit. I'm having to swallow my pride and modify or scale my movements, but I'm giving it 100% everytime the clock starts.

I feel like for the first time, I'm learning how to take control of life - really grab it by the balls, ya know?  CrossFit is teaching me about discipline, perseverance, and humility.  I watch the athletes who train along side of me, and instead of filling me with feelings of intimidation or inferiority, they fuel this new fire started deep inside that just wants me to kick a little ass. 

I wanted to start this blog to track my progress, and maybe give some insight to others who think they are too fat, lazy, weak, uncoordinated, sick, unhealthy, slow, FILL IN THE BLANK to get on the road to better health/overall well-being. This especially applies to those struggling with PCOS who are under the impression that there is no way to turn their situations around.  My progress stunned my endocrinoligist last year, and I'm hoping I can make her jaw drop a little further at my next appointment.Yes, unfortunately, in most cases, women suffering from PCOS have to work twice as hard as a normal human to maintain health, but in the end, it's worth it, no?

I've got a lot of work to but I'm all in suckas.  Wanna watch me do work, son?  Read my blog.

*For the record, Law and Order: SVU is super amazing.  In no way do I regret the hours of love and dedication I paid to that tittilating treasure of a crime drama.