Monday, February 27, 2012
The Scale is an Ignorant Douchebag!
I am first, and foremost, shocked that I've made it this far into the challenge with only one major fuck-up (I went a little off the deep-end on Friday) and a few minor digressions. I had very little faith in the amount of willpower I could muster for this, but it sure as shit helps knowing that my team and coaches will inevitably see every single morsel I shove down my pie-hole.
I had initially anticipated every day of this six-week challenge, hanging over me like a dense fog, suffocating my will to live, enveloping me in pain and an all-consuming feeling of deprivation, but, HELL, I'm almost sad this horse-and-pony-show is ending. It's been relatively smooth sailing since I got past the "carb flu", a full week of intense sugar cravings, and a heavy bought of what I'll refer to as "bitcharrhea."
I'm finding that I have energy to burn, and that I'm not having to obsess about everything I put in my mouth. I am still logging all of my food to see where everything is shaking out, but I'm trying not to have a heart attack about it. It's definitely strange seeing your fat intake hovering around 60% when you've been told your whole life that it's the essence of all that is evil. I keep repeating to myself, "fat is good, fat is good, fat is good." Of course, it's easier to believe that mantra as I continue to stay more satisfied, having to eat less. BUT the real kicker is, that with ingesting amounts of fat that would shock the average American, I'm slowly getting the body shape I've always wanted.
Speaking of body shape, even though I promised I would stop giving a shit about the scale a few blog posts ago, I sorta dusted that bitch off, and have been letting her dictate my moods, my understanding of how I am progressing - and ultimately letting her ruin my life and depreciate my self-worth despite what I have been seeing in the mirror.
You see, while many of my fellow challenge-mates have been dropping scale weight like crazy after going balls-deep into Paleo, I have been teetering between a loss of three pounds and a net gain of half a pound. With so many people having noticeable scale success, I started feeling like a big fat failure, despite losing inches.
I brought my concerns to Gregg (very wise and incredibly handsome [he'll like that part] Coach and owner of Guerrilla Fitness CrossFit Montclair). I said, "I feel like I'm doing something wrong, because I'm not losing weight." He said, "Do you look better, feel better, and are you performing better?" I answered, "yes" to all of his questions (although, I'm sure the part about me looking better was rhetorical, because, come on - have you seen me lately? Just kidding. Not really.) Anyway, he said, "Jill, if you want to see the scale move, keep doing Paleo, and quit your membership here." I let that marinate for a moment. I could cancel my CrossFit membership, continue to do Paleo, and maybe see the numbers I've been dying for on the scale, but then I would probably just end up "skinny fat." It's time for hard facts kids. Although I was made to be extremely adorable, God did not make this homegirl to be petite. Maybe I come from a long-lost lineage of Italian vikings? Maybe I was destined to be a wrestler in the WWF? Either way, I may never lose enough weight to register as a healthy female on the U.S. Government's weight charts, but I'm not going to let those charts define me or depress me anymore. I'm sure I'm healthier than half the women who fall within the "acceptable" guidelines anyway. I'm going focus on continuing to gain muscle, speed, and strength. If that venture makes me gain weight on the scale, fuck it. My husband thinks I'm hot, and I could probably crack nuts with my thighs. Those are the things that matter (especially the nut cracking part).
So, in summary, the challenge is going uber-great and I love my Guerrilla community. It's teaching me so many things about myself, and it's helping me to destroy some demons I've been dealing with for as long as I can remember. Even though I have not been an infallible participant, I am confident that I have jump-started what will hopefully be a new dietary lifestyle. And although I'm the same weight I was when I started CrossFit in May of 2011, I've lost to date (drumroll, please): 4.5 inches off my waist, 4 inches off my hips/butt, 3 inches off my bust, 2 pants sizes, and 2 minutes off my "Helen" time. It took me way too long to truly believe the scale is most certainly a tried and true douche. So fuck you scale, you worthless bag of dicks!
In other news, to further my understanding of the Paleo way of life, I'm going to a seminar this Saturday hosted by Diane of Balanced Bites. She has a wealth of knowledge about Paleo nutrition that she openly shares on her blog and podcast, both of which are great resources to check out if you haven't, but I'm excited to get a full day of education from her under my belt. Best of all, Brandon has agreed to come along! Let me know if any of you are interested in coming along with us.
With that, a bit of advice from yours truly. Eat clean, exercise hard with people you love, sleep well, destroy your scale, and be happy!