Can't Forget, We Only Get What We Give!

Does anyone remember this bat-shit-crazy-bald-headed-nut-job from the 90's? If you don't, her name is Suzanne Powter, and for a hot minute, she was all the rage in the world of fitness infomercials. I can only assume that her marketing strategy was to annoy people into buying her products. At all hours of the night, this woman would explode onto my television set screaming things like, "Stop the insanity!", and "My thighs aren't touching anymore!!" She was a huge proponent of the idea that eating fat makes people fat (I refuse to touch this one).

Needless to say, like many fitness gimmicks before and after, I fell victim to Suzie and her shenanigans.  I was chubby.  I had some birthday money to blow. I bought the book.  I was 12 (I continue to be a wet dream for marketing teams everywhere).  I'm almost positive that I read said book while eating a Snickers and performing leg lifts, before tenderly placing it in the donation pile. 

I was always looking for a quick fix, some sort of miracle diet solution that would magically transform me into whatever spokesmodel was marketing "X" product (See also: The Grapefruit Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Ab Roller, The Zone, The Master Cleanse, The Thigh Master, The South Beach Diet, The Stacker 2 Diet (a.k.a. butt bulemia), The Cindy Crawford Workout, Sweatin' to the Oldies, Tae Bo, Walk Away the Pounds, Yoga Booty Ballet, Hip Hop Abs, Strip Tease Aerobics, etc).  I have given so much of my damn money to the fitness industry, and on not one occassion have I looked in the mirror and resembled Carmen Electra or Cindy Crawford.  There also hasn't been a single freakin' day since birth (and I'm putting it out there) where my thighs HAVEN'T touched. I'm serious folks, I was a lard covered baby - I was predestined for a certain amount of fluffiness.

Any initial motivation I was able to conjure for these plans inevitably dissipated on Day 2 when the scale did not greet me with dramatic results.   It was almost as if I expected pounds and inches to immediately melt away just because I was reading books about weight loss. It was exactly as if I expected to go to sleep looking like Fatty McFatterson and then to wake up looking like Giselle, simply because I had managed to watch a workout video.  Generally, I failed to succeed with any of these diets or devices because I was too bored, too fixated on an unobtainable end result, and too unwilling to put in any real amount of effort.

The truth is, while some of those products and diet plans were absolutely bananas, it's not that Leslie Sansone and her merry group of geriatrics failed to provide me with the proper tools to walk away my pounds, or that Richard Simmons didn't shake, rattle, and roll enough for me to burn a few calories.  The Ab Roller also didn't let me down; I'm sure that I would have had a lovely six-pack if I had used it as it was truly intended to be used as opposed to a mechanism for drying my bras.

As I get older, and a tad bit wiser, it becomes more evident everyday that the only way to get paid big is to work hard, or to get lucky - and I'm not that lucky...

...so I'm finally working hard.  Can you imagine that after three months of busting my ass at CrossFit, ignoring the scale monster, eating normal food when I'm hungry*, and having an all-around good time, I would be starting to see some sweet results?  Wild, isn't it?  Funnily enough, one of the things I'm loving most about CrossFit right now, is the weight lifting aspect, which was one of the things I was initially most turned off by.  Now, I know that there is this huge misconception out there that women will naturally "bulk up" if they lift weights.  I too, believed this theory in the past, and used it as an excuse to avoid anything that wasn't cardio at all costs. If you are a current subscriber to this concept, I'm here to tell you that I'm pretty sure you can throw that weird-beard idea right out the window.

Fact #1: because of my PCOS, I have more testosterone than a typical woman (I know - totally sexy)
Fact #2: I'm lifting weights five times a week.
Fact #3: I'm getting smaller (at least that's what people keep telling me)

I'm not telling everyone to go out there and start slinging weights around (especially not unsupervised), but if you haven't done it (and I'm lookin' at you ladies), maybe give it a try! You might find that it feels good to blow off the weight of the world with some literal weight on your shoulders.  If it's not your thing, that's cool!  What's your thing?  Does it get you moving?  Does it get you sweaty?  Do you love to do it?  Good!  Whatever that thing is - keep doing it.  Just don't continue to be a knucklehead like I was, and pretend that you are going to mysteriously get fit by half-assing it.

What it comes down to for me, is that I finally found a gimmick-free program that makes it easy for me to work hard - and it feels good - real good.


Fact #4: When I look in the mirror now, I don't expect to see anyone else. I see me getting strong, and I love it... and also...sometimes..I flex - so there.  HOT SHIT!


*I'm actually eating like a beast and could use some nutritional advice if anyone is willing to dole it out to ensure that I don't go apeshit.


Upcoming Events:


I'm participating in my first CrossFit fundraising event this weekend.  It's called 31 Heroes, it's a grueling 31 minute workout, and all proceeds will benefit the families of the brave Navy Seals who lost their lives on August 6th.  If you would like to contribute or read more about this cause, please do:  http://31heroes.com/donations/


My second event is taking place on 9/11.  It's an equally grueling workout that will directly benefit wounded soldiers, veterans, and their families.  If you can find it in your heart or wallet, even a dollar would help!  Again, to read more or contribute: https://fgb6.rapidgiving.com/frp/fundraise.aspx?pk=W7F5T1Z

Thanks for being awesome, everyone.  If you keep reading, I'll keep writing. XO